Just for laughs

Regular readers of this blog will have realised how greatly I value humour. No More Hornets has observed that atheists are seriously discriminated when it comes to starring roles in jokes, and I’m inclined to agree. He posted a great list, but I’d like to add two more. (By the way, do read the second one, it’s not quite the same.)

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An atheist is out fishing on Loch Ness, when suddenly the Loch Ness Monster bursts out from the water, capsizing the boat and hurling him 50 feet into the air. As he falls through the air in the direction of the monster’s open, expectant jaws, he cries out in desperation, “Oh God! Help me!”.

Time freezes, and he is suspended in mid air. The clouds open up, and a deep voice booms from the skies, “I thought you didn’t believe in me?”.

“Give me a break” the atheist says, “I didn’t believe in the Loch Ness Monster either!”.

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An atheist is wondering through woodland on a nature walk, admiring the beautiful surroundings. As he ponders the amazing universe we live in, an angry bear emerges from behind a tree, and begins to chase him. The atheist runs for his life, dashing through clearings, jumping logs and trying to lose the bear, but he’s not quick enough and eventually he trips. The bear looms over him, teeth sparkling and claws showing. The atheist screams, “Oh God! Help me!”.

Time freezes, and he lies with a statue bear towering over him. A deep, booming voice from the sky says, “you have denied me your entire life. You have blasphemed, fornicated, lied, stolen and generally sinned for years. You have turned others against me. You have walked with the Devil. Why should I help you now?”

“Er, fair point,” says the atheist, “you’ve got me on that one. But could you just do one thing for me, and make the bear a Christian?”.

God sighs, and reluctantly says, “very well”.

Time resumes, but the bear stops in his tracks. “I’m saved!”, the atheist cries.

The bear sits on the floor with his legs crossed, closes his eyes, and puts his paws together. “Dear Lord. For the food we are about to receive, make us eternally grateful…”